You are enough

A video popped up on my facebook newsfeed the other morning and it could not have been timed more appropriately. Since having baby # 2 I have been working my butt off (literally) to get back to my pre-baby body. I have done this "gain and lose" game before, once before my wedding and again with my first son, but for some reason it has been even more difficult this third time around. 

Here is some background knowledge for you. I am a fitness and dance instructor, my Mom is a nutrition consultant and was previously a body builder. I have a wealth of knowledge regarding food, eating, healthy lifestyle choices, exercise and so on. But for some reason this excess of 11 pounds lingering after my second baby has been the biggest weight loss battle I have faced. It took me less than 6 months to lose just shy of 20 pounds before my wedding and I kept it off until my first baby. It took me 5 months to the day to lose approximately 30 pounds with my first baby. And here we sit, 6 months post partum with my second baby and I hover around the 1 or 2 pounds left to lose. I have tried it all, eating clean, calorie counting, food journaling, the 80/20 rule, the one cheat day a week approach. I do cardio EVERY day, I weight lift, I take classes, I run. You name it, I do it, but for some reason my body has changed. It started to get to the point of obsession. I would weigh myself before and after meals, first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. I took my scale with me on vacations. My husband and friends made jokes about it but I justified it by saying "seeing the number keeps my eating on track". 

But the truth is, no, it didn't. It kept me obsessed with my weight. Many times when I should have taken a nap or a even just sat and had a coffee I raced downstairs to my home gym and got in an hour workout while my kids slept. I got up 2 hours before my kids so I could get a workout in before they woke up. My weight was consuming my life. Over the weekend I had a complete breakdown and called my mom (moms always know best). I cried to her about how frustrated I was that no matter how hard I worked I wasn't getting to where I wanted to be. I wasn't enjoying food and time with friends and family. I was missing moments with my sweet babies because I was so consumed in a battle with myself regarding food and my weight. It had taken over my life. I have never been one to resort to unhealthy weight loss options but from a mental perspective I was almost at the point of an eating disorder. I decided it was enough. I gave my scale to my husband and told him to hide it. I went through my closet and packed away any clothes that didn't currently fit. But most importantly I told myself, I love you and you look beautiful. Not in a conceited way. In a truthful and loving way. I am enough, and I am more beautiful than I give myself credit for. 

I have stretch marks, and cellulite and varicose veins. But guess what, I also have beautiful eyes, strong and muscular legs and a big heart. I am a mother of two little boys that are still in diapers. I have my whole life to work on my body but for right now I want to work on my mind. I want to be a role model for my children, my dance students, my friends and other mommy's. 

You are enough and you are more beautiful than you think!