You are enough

A video popped up on my facebook newsfeed the other morning and it could not have been timed more appropriately. Since having baby # 2 I have been working my butt off (literally) to get back to my pre-baby body. I have done this "gain and lose" game before, once before my wedding and again with my first son, but for some reason it has been even more difficult this third time around. 

Here is some background knowledge for you. I am a fitness and dance instructor, my Mom is a nutrition consultant and was previously a body builder. I have a wealth of knowledge regarding food, eating, healthy lifestyle choices, exercise and so on. But for some reason this excess of 11 pounds lingering after my second baby has been the biggest weight loss battle I have faced. It took me less than 6 months to lose just shy of 20 pounds before my wedding and I kept it off until my first baby. It took me 5 months to the day to lose approximately 30 pounds with my first baby. And here we sit, 6 months post partum with my second baby and I hover around the 1 or 2 pounds left to lose. I have tried it all, eating clean, calorie counting, food journaling, the 80/20 rule, the one cheat day a week approach. I do cardio EVERY day, I weight lift, I take classes, I run. You name it, I do it, but for some reason my body has changed. It started to get to the point of obsession. I would weigh myself before and after meals, first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. I took my scale with me on vacations. My husband and friends made jokes about it but I justified it by saying "seeing the number keeps my eating on track". 

But the truth is, no, it didn't. It kept me obsessed with my weight. Many times when I should have taken a nap or a even just sat and had a coffee I raced downstairs to my home gym and got in an hour workout while my kids slept. I got up 2 hours before my kids so I could get a workout in before they woke up. My weight was consuming my life. Over the weekend I had a complete breakdown and called my mom (moms always know best). I cried to her about how frustrated I was that no matter how hard I worked I wasn't getting to where I wanted to be. I wasn't enjoying food and time with friends and family. I was missing moments with my sweet babies because I was so consumed in a battle with myself regarding food and my weight. It had taken over my life. I have never been one to resort to unhealthy weight loss options but from a mental perspective I was almost at the point of an eating disorder. I decided it was enough. I gave my scale to my husband and told him to hide it. I went through my closet and packed away any clothes that didn't currently fit. But most importantly I told myself, I love you and you look beautiful. Not in a conceited way. In a truthful and loving way. I am enough, and I am more beautiful than I give myself credit for. 

I have stretch marks, and cellulite and varicose veins. But guess what, I also have beautiful eyes, strong and muscular legs and a big heart. I am a mother of two little boys that are still in diapers. I have my whole life to work on my body but for right now I want to work on my mind. I want to be a role model for my children, my dance students, my friends and other mommy's. 

You are enough and you are more beautiful than you think!

Waiting

Well I have technically and officially never been this pregnant before. Two days shy of 39 weeks that is. Because I had Al early I was thinking I would have #2 around the same time. But I guess I thought wrong. So now we wait. For a Type A, planner and organizer, like myself, this is driving me crazy. I will admit that I like to have control of most (if not all) situations. So when God hands me things that I have no ability to influence it is a deep personal challenge/struggle. I have had everything ready for months as that seems to help me feel better about the "unknown". So I have nothing left to prepare. (Literally, "the easter bunny" filled all the eggs with treats this morning and the basket has been ready for weeks). The bags are packed and in my truck, everything and anything is washed and put away and the nursery has been finished for weeks. I am taking the opportunity to enjoy playtime with my little guy but with the weather being as sour as it has we are both going a little stir crazy. I've kept play dates relatively minimal as I am worried about having to cancel a whole pile of plans if I go into labor. But when I don't make plans to get out of the house I get so bored and frustrated with this waiting game. 

The whole reason I felt inclined to blog about this was not to whine and bore you with trivial details of my last few weeks of pregnancy. It was more so to say to other mama's I feel your pain and this is totally normal to feel this way. I have come to realize that with pregnancy (much like with a lot of other exclusively female experiences such as menopause and periods) there is a ton of myth and stigma surrounding the topic. We are made to feel that because pregnancy is such a blessing and divine event that is is glorious and wonderful and feels fabulous for every woman. I don't think that we should always necessarily hold up this illusion. I do appreciate this gift from God but I can sincerely tell you I much prefer the prize at the end to the actual getting there. My friends often laugh or freeze in horror when I tell them fun little facts about my pregnancy. Probably shocked because they have never heard these things before. I think it is important we "keep it real" and be truthful about what we go through. Why? Because when we glamorize it and hide the facts about the real experience of pregnancy we isolate one another. We make each other feel like we are the only ones who feel this way or have these thoughts. What I mean is I don't enjoy pregnancy. But now that I just said that I feel apologetic, like I should take it back and sugar coat it and say its not so bad. As if I have broken woman code and am ruining the progress of Women's Rights leaders or something. But the truth is that doesn't make me a bad mother, it makes me human. It doesn't make me weak it just means that this is an experience that challenges me and forces me to find the positive in it. I wanted to write all this so that other woman can feel comfortable saying the same thing and not feel any less a Woman or Mother. 

Basically I will be singing praise when Baby arrives and I can: sleep on my tummy, see my own crotch, read a story to my son without losing my breath, enjoy my body all to myself, stop taking heartburn medication ahh the list goes on. Anyway power to you mama's out there. Hold on you are almost there. And if you need any cliched advice about waiting for babies arrival I'm sure you can turn to the nearest stranger in a supermarket and they will have it for you!

Live and let Live

Just wanted to pop in and share a quick note with you, my readers. I started this blog about a year and a half ago as a way to share my experiences in life. At the time I was pregnant, and as any mommy knows, pregnancy is a huge life changing journey. I had lots to share and it was a fun outlet to chat about my "pregnancy changes" without boring anyone who didn't want to hear about it. From there I started blogging about my new baby boy, my DIY projects around the house, my fitness goals and challenges and so many other things. The point of the blog was to share things with my readers in hopes of inspiring them, motivating them, giving them a laugh or to just stay in touch with friends and family. I have recently received some very cowardly criticism from someone who very obviously reads my blog and would like to take a moment to invite them to exit their browser and not visit my blog anymore. 

That is the beauty of it. If you don't like what I am writing or don't like what I am choosing to share with you, then please, by all means don't read it anymore. Seems like a very common sense concept but I am obviously a much more mature and self aware individual and can see it is not actually myself or my writing that is "offending" them so greatly. I am very aware of what a blessed and fortunate life I live (which I have shared my gratefulness for many times throughout my blog) but sometimes these blessings in my life cause others to become envious, jealous, resentful and sometimes even hateful. So again I will state: if my blogging has caused you to feel as though I am being hurtful to you in anyway I would appreciate that you simply stop following my blog. I am a very kind and generous person and do not intend to hurt anyone with what I share. Furthermore I do not share these things to be boastful, or act superior, I share my life stories in hopes that I am connecting with others as they go through similar journeys and can be a source of support and encouragement. Reading my blog is a choice by my readers and I am going to continue to share my stories with you in hopes that you appreciate what I have to say and do not feel anything but uplifted by my blog posts. 

SCHOOL ZONES

This is a school zone sign

This is a playground zone sign

                                                  School Zone Times (school days only) are: 

  • 8:00 a.m. – 9:30 a.m. 

                                                   • 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m. 
                                                   • 3:00 p.m. – 4:30 p.m.

Playground Zone speed limits are in effect 

                                   every day from 8:30 a.m. to one hour after sunset. 

I just had to post this information because I know some people are unsure of what the different times, speed limits and zones are. The reason I know people are unsure is because they drive 30km/h at 6:00 at night through a school zone! I want to pull my hair out driving behind some of these "unsure" drivers. I live outside of ardrossan, where the speed limit on Range Road 222 is 80km/h except when you drive through the school zone. When you drive through the school zone it is 30km/h but only between the hours of 8:00am-9:30am, 11:30am-1:30pm and 3:00pm-4:30pm and only on the days there is school (so not in the summer). That means that ANY OTHER TIME OF DAY the speed limit is 80km/h. What really gets me is when someone drives through the school zone at lets say 2:00pm, and they are unsure about the school zone hours so they coast at 50km/h. That is 30 km under the speed limit for that time of day, or 20 km over the speed limit if you are thinking it is a valid school zone time (which it is not, as shown above). Argh! I don't know why this drives me so crazy it just does. Either look up the school zone hours, or drive 30 km/h because 50 km/h is either way over or way under!  And just for your reference all of this information can be found on Alberta Transportation Website, just click here.

 End Rant. 

Sorry it's been a really tough week.

Alex is a NO-NO

Warning: this is just a small rant about professionals addressing clients/ customers using nicknames. 


For those of you who don't know, my husbands name is Alexander. He goes by Sandy, as it is a family tradition and a family nickname. Legally it is Alexander, though, so on forms, accounts, cards etc it shows up as Alexander. When we go into banks, doctors offices, registries or anything of the sort I am constantly annoyed at how the professionals refer to him as Alex*. Im sure you are thinking, "harmless, don't be so uptight" but why it bothers me is that he doesn't even go by Alexander, so please don't shorten the name further and use a nickname. Nicknames are reserved for close friends and family and have usually been agreed upon by the person being called that nickname. It irritates me because if they are trying to create a friendly, comfortable  atmosphere they would know to call him Sandy, the nickname he has chosen to go by, not Alex,  something a distant acquaintance  has chosen for him. By calling him Alex, it makes the professional exchange feel even less personal because it is such an inaccurate reference to my husband. 

Tell me this, if your name was Richard and you commonly went by Rich, and you went to a bank teller and they addressed you as Dick, would you not feel slightly offended? It's just weird. Don't shorten my name, if anything address me as Mrs. or Mr. McLaren. Alexander is even fine, I just cringe every time I hear them say to me "Alex". Lets leave name shortening and nicknaming to family and friends. Full name , Mr. or Mrs., or even sir or madam can be reserved for professionals in the work place. 


To top it all off, we have named our son Alexander as well. We, his family and some friends, have come up with little nicknames for him, but to make very very clear, Alex is NOT one of them. Please refer to our beautiful little boy as Alexander, or Al or any other nickname that you know we are ok with (Billy as Daddy calls him, McDuff as Grandma McLaren calls him). When he is old enough he will decide what he is comfortable with as well. ALEX is out of the question as it just gives me that cringey car salesman, trying to chum you up and be buddies with you, kind of feeling.


End Rant


* Please note that I don't have any problem with the actual name Alex, I think it is a lovely name I just don't prefer to call my husband or child by this. Please take no offence if your name is Alex as my feelings about the name are based purely on emotional response to situations described above. 

Share the Road

Spring has arrived and that means it is time to share the road again. I will be the first to admit that the cyclists that emerge as the snow melts often annoy me. But since taking up running I have found that a nice outdoor run can make a 16 km trek feel a lot better than 60 some laps around a track at millennium place. That being said it is a little hard to make a 16km path through my 3 km subdivision and I have been forced to take to the range roads. We don't have the luxury of sidewalks or bike/running paths out in the country so I resort to the shoulders of said range roads. What I have also realized about running outside is that 10, 12 or even 20 km is a lot farther than you would think. The route you have to map out to accomplish these distances are a lot longer than you would think and I now can see why some cyclists are forced to take to the roads in order to get routes in that accommodate their distance requirements. So here I am faced with a dilemma. For once I actually feel sorry for the cyclists who are stuck, having to bike on roads with little sympathy or consideration from drivers. Especially outside the city where our options are very limited. So I suggest the following compromise: Cyclists and runners, single file and stick to roads with as wide of shoulders as possible (this eliminates baseline road east of sherwood park). Take to the ditch when necessary and respect that you are on a road. Drivers, respect that we are exhausting all options by running or biking on the road. We don't want to be on these shoulders anymore than you want us there. But, give us a little courtesy and slow down or go around us when possible (no oncoming traffic) it makes a huge difference for us, the sideliner. And lets face it, if we crash, you will be fine, we will probably not make it. So that being said lets share the road, safely. I never thought I would be an advocate for the road bikers/runners but now that I have had my own eye opening experience I can see both sides a little more clearly and openly. 

Happy Spring

Manners

We live in a world of technology far different from the world our parents grew up in. So many social etiquettes and manners seem to have fallen by the way side in this new generation of cellphones, evites, and tweets. But I am here to say they have not been lost with me, nor will they be with my children. 


RSVP
Let me first start out by saying RSVP is french for "répondez, s'il vows plaît", which translates to "please reply", or in other words "let the person know if you are coming or not dipshit" it'll take you two second to press NO on the evite, or check off NO and remail the wedding invitation (that is already addressed and stamped for you) or to text them and say sorry can't make it. But no, instead people ignore the invitation and either show up or don't. THIS IS RUDE. How will the host prepare enough food if they don't know how many people are attending. Even if its a low-key social event, don't be an asshole, just let the host or event planner know if you are coming. It's a social etiquette that should not be tossed in the recycle bin.


THANK YOU CARDS
I can't even tell you how many weddings I have attended and not received a thank you card. So I will start with etiquette rule numero uno when it comes to weddings. YES you HAVE to send a thank you card. Second it needs to be within three months of the wedding and third it should be the old fashioned hand written on paper and mailed (or hand delivered) to the person. Not an email, not a text ect. Im not going to pick this one apart too bad because there are all kinds of rules when it comes to wedding thank-yous but I think you are pretty much safe if you write down "thank you" for whatever they got you and send it to them. Hard? No! If each guest took the time to pick out an outfit come to your wedding, listen to your vows, toast you 400 times at dinner and then stay and dance with you and on top of it all stick 100$ in a card for you (or even go out and pick something off your registry, purchase it and wrap it) then the least you can do is formally say thank you. Even if you have already verbally thanked them, it never hurts to say thank you too many times! I think that is my rant about thank you's. You should even consider the art of the thank you card for showers (baby and wedding) and any event where attendance and a gift was required. But hey thats just me being strict about being polite.


CELLPHONE ETIQUETTE
Now this is a new one! I don't think google has a hard and fast set of rules on this one but I'll tell you our rules. No cellphone at the table. Period. Turn your cellphone on silent at bedtime. Do not text or use your cellphone while engaging in a conversation with other people. NEVER use your cellphone at your part-time job (like at a cash register, or serving someone food ect) No cellphone use while driving. No cellphone use where it will disturb others ( movie theatre, funeral, doctors office...) This one isn't hard for those with common sense but I can see it is going to be a challenge with the next generations of our world. If it is a time or activity where your full attention and concentration is required, NO CELLPHONE. 


CHIVALRY 
Ok maybe this term doesn't quite fit what I intend it mean but here I am talking about men treating women right. Im not talking about flowers and paying on a date I just mean the simple courtesy of holding a door for a woman or pulling out a chair. I think it is important to treat women in your life with respect (mothers, sisters, wives, daughters) and to demonstrate this in your actions. You would not believe the amount of men who let a door close on me at 8 months pregnant and not even think twice. All I am saying here is to be kind to one another (women included). 


Ok I think that concludes my rant. I just wanted to get those things out there, as they are important to me! Lets all remember our roots and try to be a little more polite to one another (and if your roots taught you nothing maybe google a think or two). Technology is not a replacement for our manners. 

Boredom

Help! Mommy's out there I need your advice! I am completely and utterly bored. I have now been off work for five weeks! Not because I needed to be but because my contracts ended for the summer. I had been anticipating this time off and was really looking forward to finishing up baby things, cleaning and organizing the house and so on. Well five weeks later and I am done... everything! My entire list of "to-do's" is done, and then some. It was great to get the basement organized and cleaned out, finish the baby's room and set all of his things up, and deep clean the house (baseboards, windows and blinds). But, it's all done now, and I have all of this time on my hands! The worst part is I don't have the physical ability to walk the dogs or be overly active (mostly due to the swelling) so filling my time is getting more and more creative, and challenging. I have resorted to bleaching towels and socks, downloading music for next year (incase I am teaching again), and even finishing the Harry Potter series of books! I know I know everyone says, you should rest because you will be so tired once baby gets here! But with a bladder that is more active than my pets are, I barely get comfortable for a nap and it's time to get up and go to the bathroom again! Anyway I am hoping someone out there can give me some ideas (that I haven't already done) on what to do with all this extra time! Just leave me a comment or send me off an email, clearly I need some inspiration. 

Hope everyone else is enjoying the nice warm weather over the past few days!

Do not criticize me for my inability to "walk a mile in your shoes" nor judge me without having "walked a mile" in mine. 

Some battles are not not meant to be fought. Today I stumbled across one of those. This will be my few seconds of venting and then I will lay this frustration to rest. How funny it is that you will whine, complain and criticize that no one could ever understand your pain without having actually been in your situation, yet you have absolutely no issue dishing out judgement to others, when you have certainly not been in there situation. As the dictionary would say see: Hypocrite (hyp-o-crite)

It has been a long week of dinners! Mmmm food. We had a birthday dinner for friends on Sunday at Japanese Village. I'm not normally the biggest fan of this restaurant but once in a while it's not too bad. Monday Sandy and I had our date night, we went to the Keg (very yummy) and then went to pick out the baby's "coming home from the hospital" outfit. Tuesday was one of the only nights we didn't eat out (which is sometimes a treat in itself). Wednesday we took Kyla out for a traditional Birthday dinner at Julio's, where my crazy friend orders caesar salad! From Julio's, I know, why not get something a little more.... mexican? Anyway Thursday my mom had us over for a BBQ again a nice treat not to have to cook. And finally tonight was what will probably be our last "lunch crew" date before baby gets here. We went to Cactus Club ( a rare treat since its so far away) and it was delicious not to mention hilarious. I cant remember laughing so hard in a long time! Too bad laughter isn't a labour inducer. A girl can dream. I think that will be it for dinners out, for a while! Time to eat up the groceries in the house!

I'm not too sure what we (Benson and I) will get up to tomorrow. Maybe clean out the jeep, or find some sort of ridiculous activity around the house to keep me busy! Since most of my days are spent with Benson he has become my little buddy attached at the hip. I have been meaning to google some ideas of how to introduce baby to baby so it isn't too traumatic of a transition for him! 

That is about it for this week. Just patiently waiting for our arrival from the stork! Cross your fingers for me, because I am ready any day now!

Happy weekend readers!