Waiting

Well I have technically and officially never been this pregnant before. Two days shy of 39 weeks that is. Because I had Al early I was thinking I would have #2 around the same time. But I guess I thought wrong. So now we wait. For a Type A, planner and organizer, like myself, this is driving me crazy. I will admit that I like to have control of most (if not all) situations. So when God hands me things that I have no ability to influence it is a deep personal challenge/struggle. I have had everything ready for months as that seems to help me feel better about the "unknown". So I have nothing left to prepare. (Literally, "the easter bunny" filled all the eggs with treats this morning and the basket has been ready for weeks). The bags are packed and in my truck, everything and anything is washed and put away and the nursery has been finished for weeks. I am taking the opportunity to enjoy playtime with my little guy but with the weather being as sour as it has we are both going a little stir crazy. I've kept play dates relatively minimal as I am worried about having to cancel a whole pile of plans if I go into labor. But when I don't make plans to get out of the house I get so bored and frustrated with this waiting game. 

The whole reason I felt inclined to blog about this was not to whine and bore you with trivial details of my last few weeks of pregnancy. It was more so to say to other mama's I feel your pain and this is totally normal to feel this way. I have come to realize that with pregnancy (much like with a lot of other exclusively female experiences such as menopause and periods) there is a ton of myth and stigma surrounding the topic. We are made to feel that because pregnancy is such a blessing and divine event that is is glorious and wonderful and feels fabulous for every woman. I don't think that we should always necessarily hold up this illusion. I do appreciate this gift from God but I can sincerely tell you I much prefer the prize at the end to the actual getting there. My friends often laugh or freeze in horror when I tell them fun little facts about my pregnancy. Probably shocked because they have never heard these things before. I think it is important we "keep it real" and be truthful about what we go through. Why? Because when we glamorize it and hide the facts about the real experience of pregnancy we isolate one another. We make each other feel like we are the only ones who feel this way or have these thoughts. What I mean is I don't enjoy pregnancy. But now that I just said that I feel apologetic, like I should take it back and sugar coat it and say its not so bad. As if I have broken woman code and am ruining the progress of Women's Rights leaders or something. But the truth is that doesn't make me a bad mother, it makes me human. It doesn't make me weak it just means that this is an experience that challenges me and forces me to find the positive in it. I wanted to write all this so that other woman can feel comfortable saying the same thing and not feel any less a Woman or Mother. 

Basically I will be singing praise when Baby arrives and I can: sleep on my tummy, see my own crotch, read a story to my son without losing my breath, enjoy my body all to myself, stop taking heartburn medication ahh the list goes on. Anyway power to you mama's out there. Hold on you are almost there. And if you need any cliched advice about waiting for babies arrival I'm sure you can turn to the nearest stranger in a supermarket and they will have it for you!