1. I tried to make sure Al got a few minutes of undivided attention from me intermittently through out the day. This is important not only to help with feelings of jealousy but also because of his age. He needs the one on one time. There is a lot of focus on new baby from the family and visitors so it is important that he still gets his focus and attention as well. It can be hard to put baby down and make that time initially but it is very important.
2. Routine. I am a huge advocate of routine so this one was a no brainer for me. Things in his world needed to stay as routine as possible to eliminate the upsets of "change". He is used to things a certain way so keeping them as consistent as possible helps him adjust. This includes boundaries. He definitely tried to push the limits and test new boundaries because of all the change, but staying as consistant with rules, punishments etc helps him to understand that the same behaviour is expected of him as always.
3. Trying not to blame baby or cause fear or resentment of baby. We did this by allowing Al to show his affection and curiosity towards Ashe. I tried not to hover over him as he gave his brother hugs and kisses or touched his face and so on. There are definitely times where I have to intervene in his "affection" but for the most part I try to allow him to interact with baby as much as possible and not to be scared of getting in trouble or having a parent tell him to leave baby alone. I want him to interact with his brother so a bit of careful but relaxed supervision is key. I am convinced that is why god made Ashe so much bigger, to withstand some of the so called affection from his brother. The other thing is that I try not to blame baby for things, such as "we have to leave now because baby has to eat" or "please be quiet baby is sleeping". I read this causes resentment towards baby so changing your language or not blaming baby helps to develop more of a fondness toward the sibling. Who knows if that is actually true but worth a shot.
Those were the only big things I tried to remember when dealing with the big change of one child to two. I think every family will have a different experience and every child will react differently but it will and does get easier. Take it a day at a time, and just spend time with the kids. Dont worry about the house and dishes and laundry. Relax and enjoy and soon everyone will be adjusted to the knew dynamic. I hope that helps any mamas about to go through the big family change!
